Alone She Waits

Her clock, it tics
Counter clockwise now
Unwinding it's magic
Undoing it's spell
A heart that, at one time fluttered
Now sits, quietly settled
Alone she waits...
Watching the clouds roll in
She waives as they pass her by, sullen
Wishing them a well deserved
Fairwell, good ridence, bye bye
Alone she waits...
As each day comes to a close
Gazing up at the night sky
The stars, they glint and glimmer
And the moon, it brightly glows
Alone she waits...
For the season of change
Awaiting a time
When dawn finally breaks
When the sun will warmly shine
Nurturing flowers to grow
The thought once brought her hope
But the fascination is no more
Alas she knows
The wonder is gone
Her mind drifts into space
Dreaming of what's next
And though her clock still tics
It makes the oddest of clicks
The sound she knows all too well
The sun once again, begins to fade
And the night slowly closes in
Alone she waits...
Watching the time drift away

Change is in the wind

Change is never easy, complicated even..
But worth it all the same
Always having the best intentions at heart
Somehow everything changes...
Some for good, others bad
Not knowing which path to choose
The confusion of it all
Then the light bulb goes on
Suddenly things seem so clear
Wondering why didn't I realize this before
Now everything seems to float into place
Colors seem more vibrant than ever
Every moment is worth savoring
How could I have lived life through such foggy lenses
Marching towards the finish line
That quickly becomes my starting line
A new adventure awaits
New experiences to unfold
A great new life to pursue
For this I smile, sing and leap for joy
For everything has changed
My soul celebrates the coming of the unexpected
My eyes wild with excitement
My heart is all a flutter
All is well, riding on the wings of change
Until she takes me back down again.

The Haunting

These memories are haunting me
It's hard to let my mind break free
All the words you said to me
Nights alone, just you and me
It was so dark, I couldn't see
The truth that this could never be
Shattered dreams and tattered lies
You're my nightmare come to life.

Careless

I've been careless with my heart
I let it wonder alone, aimlessly through the dark
I didn't protect it, and now it's falling apart
I know better now.....
I've been careless with my thoughts
A million fleeting paths my mind has crossed
With no destination marked
I know better now.....
I've been careless with my hands
They've touched the things...I can't
They've done things no one will ever understand
I know better now.....
I've been careless with my love
I let it play to long with lust
She will need time alone to adjust
I know better now.....

Friends Forever

"Friends Forever"..That is a very novel thought. Friends are made very easily, at least I make friends very easily. Rarely do I consider them a friend forever. I've met only several people in my life that I would hope to stay friends forever with. Some more recent then others. Each person in my life is very valuable to me. There are friends you can lean on for support, friends you can go to for real advise, there are friends you go shopping with and friends you just shoot the breeze with. I've never been one to have many girl - friends, they are usually to catty and jealous to ever remain part of my world. I now have 3! 3 very great girls in my life that I can tell anything to and know that they will always be honest with thier thoughts and opinions. People who I believe truely have my best interest at heart. I will forever cherish them. I just hope that I am in turn as great a friend to them as they are to me. They are my girls....and they mean the world to me!

In Love with the Wind

I never knew I'd be this fool for you
I never told you when it was time to
Never told you how you had my heart
that you were on my mind all the time
I lived a fairtale that you were never truely a part of
I dreamed of you and being in your arms
Dreamed of being under true loves charm
Soon you'll be gone, leaving to start life anew
Where there is no chance to create a story of me and you
So this chapter is closed
Although sad and true....
My heart secretly smiles
As I'm left to start the pages of a new book
I'll fill it with the story of my forever love
The love my hearts been longing for
And when it arrives,
I promise to cherish it
Hold tight and keep it safe
This time I won't let myself get in the way
Cuz this time I want it to stay.

Self Realization

I've learned that I'm not as nice as I used to be. I don't care much or think much about how I make others feel. I don't watch what I say to protect any ones feelings. I've learned that I've missed out on some of the best parts of my life by smoking to much mary jane..and loosing the motivation that I once had. I've learned that I don't take anything seriously, It's like my feelings are dead or numb. Nothing seems to shock me or move me, or impress me these days.

I used to be the biggest cry baby you would have ever known in your life...My Mom used to tell me it's because I have the biggest heart....I never cry anymore, I bury all the heartaches and tears behind laughter and good times. I live for the moment, the "now" if you will. This part of my life has turned my heart black and hallow. I wonder how I got here? What could I have done differently? And what stopped me in the first place?

Never thinking ahead has gotten me to the worst place in life thus far. Stuck with no money and a handful of friends. My heart cries at night, I could fill a lake with my invisible tears. I try so hard to keep my eyes dry and a smile on my face, while I sit by and watch my life disappear. My money, my car, my job, my LIFE! Momentary spurts of joy usually involve drinks and a few friends. Work is unsatisfying, boys are just that, boys..they come and go..leaving me feeling emptier, colder and less human each time.

In essence, I've lost myself, I've lost my heart, I've lost it all...

Chapter 2: This part of my life is called " Getting my shit together"

More to follow...